“Standing firm with tough conversations” is a top wish/need of over 86% of the workplace. And it’s needed! Avoidance of these conversations wastes energy and inhibits the whole system.

BASIC GROUND RULES FOR TOUGH CONVERSATIONS

1. Move from right-wrong to win-win. That attitude will help you be calm.

2. Learn how to listen before trying to use this system.

3. Blaming and labeling are forbidden (i.e attacking the other person with what’s wrong with them). You’re allowed a statement of their behavior (without judgment), a description of how you are reacting and what you request. Period.

If you can handle that, here is an almost guaranteed formula for effective communication with anyone.

The 7-Step Formula for Everything

1. Describe their behavior: “When you …………..” “When you’re late for meetings …”

2. State consequences: “We/I ……………………” “Other people’s time is impacted.”

3. Your request:“I would like you to  ……………..…” “I would like you to be on time.”

4. Wait for resistance* (click link Manipulations)(blame, pout, yell)

5. Call out resistance: “I can see that ……….” “I see you’re blaming your schedule.”

6. Re-center your request:“However, I’d like you to …….” “However, I would like you to be on time.”

7. Clarify and Compromise: “Work for you? Problems?” (you might decide she doesn’t need to attend, can dial in, send a report etc.).

• Re #4 above: Because of fear of conflict, most people will avoid or attack. Both are ineffective. The ONLY effective method is to stay calm, be clear, stand firm and follow through.

Easy? No, but nothing worthwhile is at first.

• *what will resistance probably look like? What can you prepare for? In another blog is a list of behaviors that people use to try to sidetrack others. They’re called Manipulations, and they are often effective.

• Your job is to stand firm and not be sidetracked by them. Finish your conversation and get a result that works.