Do you have friends/family members/co-workers stuck in a belief system that has nothing to do with reality? How do you get through to them? [subtext = get them to see the error of their ways].

The place where NOT to start is flooding them with facts, evidence, or data. They will either convert this information to their belief system, throw it out, or stop listening. Probably all three. That’s what Confirmation Bias is about (see diagram).

Their beliefs are as valid for their world as your beliefs are for your world. Beliefs help organize a chaotic world. Have a conversation only if their beliefs are posing a real danger to themselves or others.

Suggestions:

1. Don’t go in with the intention of changing their thinking.

2. If you can tolerate it, ask them about their belief system and truly listen. [see #1, above]. You must have a sincere desire to find out, and they must sense you do, or they’ll clam up. Have them explain their beliefs. Sometimes listening to themselves out loud and scrambling to find evidence for their beliefs is enough to shake the beliefs just a bit. That’s good.

3. To uncover fears contributing to the echo chamber, say something like “a lot of people are afraid that the American Dream will never be possible for them. Can you relate to that?” Or “I hear a lot on TV that immigrants are taking over America, displacing the rest of us. Are you hearing that?” There are so many [ungrounded] fears out there that you might not hit the exact ones, but if you’re open and accepting, you might hear what fears ARE adding to the chamber. That’s a great start; talking about one’s fears loosens them up.

The power of 1-2-3 above can be amazing. Last year, I coached an executive team at a West Coast Winery who was stuck between generations: the 70’ish founders, and the 40-something kids poised to take over. No amount of evidence could convince the founders to invest in new technology.

When the 70’ish pair finally agreed to see me, in a gentle-but-direct clinical style, I asked about their past, their upbringing, their parents. It turned out that they were stuck in a depression-era fear capsule, that money would run out with this investment, and their family thrown into despair. A bit of socratic dialogue later, they exposed their fears themselves and could only then move ahead.

You don’t need a clinical degree for this process, as long as you follow #1 - don’t try to change people. Just listen. They might just change themselves.

Don’t try to change people.

Just listen. They might just change themselves.