12 NEW PERMISSIONS FOR 2025

“We know what to do; we wait for permission to do it.”

Over my years as a therapist, I sensed my clients intuition knew exactly what they needed. Once their intuition was verified, they were on their way. If your intuiton speaks, listen. No permission needed. Just in case ….

YOU HAVE PERMISSION …

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• to release everything that does not bring you joy. It doesn’t mean that you have to; but you have permission to. Everyone has the right to live in joy.

• to not do anything for anyone over the age of 18 that they should be doing for themselves. You weaken them and reinforce your own controlling behavior (although I know you mean well).

• to not be normal. ‘Normal’ was defined by Harvard male college sophomores in the 1950s during a series of experiments that set standards for human behavior.  You don’t fit those standards.

• to not buy anyone’s notion that it’s all in your head or not real. Instinct and intuition are real, trust them.

• to start admiring what you don’t like about yourself because it’s probably your greatest gift. Your procrastination is an exquisite sense of timing, your talkativeness is a gift of communication when you use it wisely, your shyness is a gift of observation and wisdom.

• to interpret what people label you as, to be your strength. Are you labeled as too sensitive? You are emotionally aware. Your label reveals your strength and the fact that it is annoying to others means that it is breaking through. People label what they’re afraid of.

• to believe that what you admire in others is already in you or you wouldn’t notice it (projection). If you don’t ‘own’ that quality that you see in others yet, watch for it every day; you’ll be amazed how it will grow.

• to feel guilty, because guilt means you are doing something right, something healthy for yourself. This is good. You’re living your truth, what’s right for you. You are breaking old norms from parents, church, school - some other institution that might not have your best interests at heart.

• to stop being ‘OK’ or ‘Fine’. Each time you say these, ask what you’re trying to cover up, what needs to be fixed, what self-nurturing needs to happen.

• to honor victories as victories. Overcoming fear is a big deal. It takes as much courage to overcome personal fears about speaking up or promoting yourself as it does to fly into space or climb Mt Everest. Fear is fear.

• to break old rules of “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” (people won’t always find your truth conveniently nice).  “Don’t brag and show off, people won’t like you.” (promoting yourself is simply letting your light shine).  “Wear clean underwear.” Well, maybe they had a point there.

• to relax. You’ve done enough. You are enough. Feeling you should have done more is an old story. Rewrite your story. Living in kindness and love is enough; I’ve got that on good word.

FAMILY GAME RULES FOR THE HOLIDAY SEASON

You feel anxiety each time family gatherings approach, but you can’t explain why. Consider this analogy:

It’s the first quarter: Chiefs vs Steelers. The umpire calls the kickoff out of bounds. Because everyone understands the game rules, they accept that the team is penalized five yards and has to re-kick.

What if the game rules weren’t agreed on before the start? What if each player had their own set of rules? What if there was an over-riding set of unexpressed rules that everyone just guessed at?

Your family might have a set of rules they follow, and you’re anxious about both keeping the rules and about breaking them. Some families seem to operate without rules, or ever-changing rules; and some families have a rigid set of rules.  When you’re with your family, you feel confused because something is impossible to understand (what Lidz terms mystified.)

You love your family and you want to be free to express yourself, but you might be invalidated if you break the rules. How can you approach your family with peace?

Healthy families have a set of rules that allow fair-play for all players. The five ground rules below might not fly with your family. Unless your family falls into the tough-to-crack category, it’s worth a try. It might go nowhere, but you’ve made the effort.

When you’re together, say something like: “I was reading the other day about agreements that families take when they get together. I’m not sure if we need these, but I wonder if I could read them and tell me what you think.”

FIVE FAMILY AGREEMENTS

AGREEMENT 1. We don’t talk about stuff we know is trouble  - e.g. politics.

AGREEMENT 2. We don’t put words or labels into each others’ heads, like telling them what’s wrong with them. For example, starting with “you” such as,  “You’re lazy.”

AGREEMENT 3. We agree not to storm off. We say something like: “It’s a bit much for me, I’m going to take a break and I’ll be back.”

AGREEMENT 4. We won’t use ‘negative non-verbals’ like deep sighs, slamming doors, silent stares, eye-rolls, or storming out. We will translate these into words best we can.

AGREEMENT 5. We all agree that we’ll do our best. If there is a violation, any one of us can call time out, and call for a re-do.

Judge the situation for yourself. This might not be a good time to nudge a change, or maybe it’s a great time. Either way, good for you that you showing the insight to recognize that things could be better, and having the courage to consider being part of the change.

Have a beautiful and peaceful holiday no matter what.

Six Ways to Prep for Family Drama this Season

This holiday season, as we face a world of uncertainty and potential chaos, anxieties can be high and defenses low around our families of origin. Although not all of us will experience high drama and chaos (The Bear Season 2, Episode 6), it is the hard-to define, low-grade tensions that are most challenging.

To carry you into the season, try these thoughts on for size:

1. Your challenges from others are your gifts. You wouldn’t be challenged if you weren’t meant to grow and learn. Face each annoying or hurtful interaction with the armor of “What am I supposed to learn here?"

2. Notice how you respond. Do you get quiet and withdraw? Do you attack back directly or indirectly? Do you pack up and leave? Are these old habits still serving you? Because you now have the power to take control of the current conditions of your life, changing how you interact with your family is a choice you make.

3. It’s never about you. No comment or attack or manipulation is about you. People act out of their own wounds. Not your wounds. Their wounds began long ago, but here you are in the firing line. It’s not your fault, and it’s not about you. If they differently, they would act differently.

See them as wounded and hurt people acting out of fear, rather than vicious monsters out to get you. If you can do this, you can begin acting from compassion and love, not fear and hurt.

4. But you are responsible too. The pain from family interactions derives from two sources: people invading territories and people letting them do it. Both parties are equally responsible for boundary violations. To understand boundary control, I like Don Miguel Ruiz’s analogy, also summarized at the bottom of this blog.*

5. Be prepared for wounds to erupt - not because people are mean, but because their anxiety is high too. Don’t get caught off-guard again. Be prepared with a healthier response - not because it will change the other person, but because it will change you.  Download this card for samples to carry with you.

6. Forgive. If you are hurt and take no action, resentment will build. Resentment wounds you, not them, and keeps you attached at a damaging level. I learned the loving and liberating approach to detachment from Caroline Myss years ago, from her book Soul Contracts: Consider that, before your birth, you made soul contracts with (parents, siblings) souls to be your teachers. They assumed these roles not for their growth and self-interest, but for yours. In many cases, these are older souls whose journey toward enlightenment has made them willing to suffer pain on your behalf. They are fulfilling their soul contract to you. Your contract agreement is to heal. Here is the concept in a short video:

“ Your greatest gift is your parents dysfunction. It presents you with an opportunity for healing … for you to be aware of it, to have compassion for it, and a greater understanding because of it, and to heal from it. That is the greatest gift they have given you."

Summary of Miguel Ruiz theater concept: You create, star in, and direct your own life film, in your own theater. You choose leading roles, supporting actors and extras. As director, you decide who is in your movie; you have the authority to invite or reject any actor. If you want to be the star of someone else’s movie, but you’re not right for their plot, you must get that it’s their movie, their plot and they are directing. It’s not about you. Don’t waste time being injured that you are not right for the part. Work on your own movie.

Six Quick Shifts for a Flexible Brain: Keep Ideas Flowing

Anxiety about the future is not a strategy. Preparation is. Opportunities strike when you least expect them, and ideas often hit when you’re doing other things. So, how can you cultivate a mind that’s ready to seize the moment? It starts with flexibility.

Here are six quick mental shifts you can make to strengthen your brain, spark creativity, and prepare for what’s next. These simple exercises take less than one minute each but can lead to big changes over time by building new neural pathways.

1. Say Yes When You Usually Say No

One of our most ingrained habits is saying "no." While saying no is important to protect boundaries, flipping the script occasionally can open doors to unexpected opportunities. For instance, say “yes” to a colleague’s new idea you’re tempted to dismiss. Agree to try an activity outside your comfort zone, like bungee jumping or a cooking class.

Research shows that saying yes to new experiences fosters neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to reorganize itself by forming new connections¹. By shaking up your typical response, you’re literally rewiring your brain to be more adaptable.

Action Tip:

Next time you’re inclined to say no, pause. Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen if I said yes instead?”

2. Stop Bad “Buts”

Bad “buts” are those little phrases that come right after a “yes”—like, “Yes, but that won’t work because…” These excuses limit your potential. Instead, try replacing “Yes, but” with “Yes, and.” This simple linguistic tweak can foster collaboration and innovation, both at work and in personal relationships.

For example, imagine brainstorming in a team meeting. Instead of shutting down a colleague’s idea with a “Yes, but…” response, say, “Yes, and what if we also tried this?” It keeps the conversation flowing and opens the door to creative solutions.

Action Tip:

Practice using “Yes, and” in your next conversation and note how the dynamic changes.

3. Replace Knowing With Curiosity

Experts often fall into the trap of relying on their knowledge rather than staying curious. But curiosity is essential for growth and innovation. When a familiar topic comes up, resist the urge to assert your expertise. Instead, ask questions like, “What do you think?” or “What’s your take on this?”

This approach not only builds better connections with others but also challenges your brain to see problems from fresh perspectives. A study published in Neuron highlights how curiosity enhances learning and memory².

Action Tip:

In your next meeting or conversation, ask at least one open-ended question instead of giving an answer.

4. Change One Habit

Habits create efficiency, but they can also trap us in rigid routines. Breaking just one habit—even temporarily—can stimulate creativity and build new neural pathways. For example, take a different route to work, switch up your morning routine, or order something new at your favorite restaurant.

These small changes force your brain to adapt, making it more flexible and open to novel ideas. Plus, breaking a routine can reduce stress by pulling you out of autopilot mode.

Action Tip:

Write down one habit you want to tweak and list two alternative behaviors you can try this week.

5. Change Your Physical Environment

Your surroundings have a profound impact on your mindset. Clutter, repetitive visuals, or dull environments can stifle creativity. Making even a minor change—like rearranging your desk or adding a plant to your workspace—can refresh your perspective and boost productivity.

According to research from the University of Exeter, employees who personalize their workspaces are 32% more productive than those who don't.³ This underscores the importance of tailoring your environment to support your mental flexibility.

Action Tip:

Pick one area of your home or workspace to refresh this week. Move furniture, reorganize your desk, or swap out old decor.

6. Switch Roles With Someone Else

Empathy and perspective-taking are powerful tools for expanding your mental horizons. Try stepping into someone else’s shoes—literally or figuratively. For example, think of an event you and a friend experienced together. Spend a minute describing it from their point of view, imagining how they felt and what they noticed.

This exercise not only deepens your understanding of others but also trains your brain to approach problems from multiple angles. Perspective-taking has been shown to improve emotional intelligence and reduce conflict in relationships.

Action Tip:

Ask a friend or partner to try this exercise with you. Share your experiences and reflect on what you learned from seeing the situation through their eyes.

Final Thoughts

Flexibility is a skill you can cultivate. By making these small, intentional shifts, you’ll train your brain to be more open, adaptable, and ready for the opportunities life throws your way. Start with one change today, and watch how it transforms your thinking.

For more tips on building a resilient mindset, check out this guide on developing emotional intelligence. And if you’re curious about how habits shape your brain, explore James Clear’s insights on atomic habits.

Ready to Make a Team Mind-Shift?

These six shifts aren’t just for individuals. They can transform entire teams. Imagine a workplace where everyone practices curiosity, embraces change, and collaborates with a “Yes, and” mindset. The potential for innovation is limitless.

Together, we can build a stronger, more agile workforce prepared for whatever comes next.

References:

1. Kolb, B., & Gibb, R. (2014). Brain plasticity and behavior. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 15(2), 81–92. DOI:10.1038/nrn3678

2. Gruber, M. J., Gelman, B. D., & Ranganath, C. (2014). States of curiosity modulate hippocampus-dependent learning via the dopaminergic circuit. Neuron, 84(2), 486-496. Retrieved from https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4254035/

3. University of Exeter. (2010, September 7). Office workers 'happier and 32% more productive' when allowed to personalize their workspace. ScienceDaily. Retrieved from https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/09/100907104035.htm

How to Build Team Flexibility

Can you agree with each of these seven statements about your workplace?

1. Nobody is stuck in the problem; we go right to the solution.

2. Optimism is fairly high around here.

3. Team members offer to help others if they're overloaded. 

4. Volunteers cover a team member's work while on leave.

5. People are allowed to work from home if requested.

6. We make decisions quickly and move on.

7. It's easy for us to spot what isn't working and drop it.

If you hesitate to answer yes to any of the above, and you sense that people are becoming isolated, your workplace is siloed or hierarchical, or you're looking for new ways to spur innovation, your team might need a Mind Shift.

First, check if your structure is flexible.  Much has been written about the structures that are needed; I've included a summary at the end of this article* for your reference.

Next, consider these five best practices that foster flexibility as a team.

1. Master Mistakes

Mastering mistakes doesn't mean making more and better mistakes; it means maximizing the learning from each one and moving on. One of the best ways to do that is to gather the errors you've made and come together for a weekly sharing of the mistake, the lesson, and the correction. 

Admitting where you've messed up creates a bond of humanity between you and others and prevents the rigidity of the need to be right. Transparency encourages accountability and increases trust.  

2. Spot Check Cognitive Bias

Seek out underperforming departments with a special attachment to a product or service. The Sunk Cost Fallacy is a tendency to continue with something already invested heavily in, despite evidence that it is not working; Blockbuster is a prime example.

Knowing that attachment is the enemy of innovation, on each November Day of the Dead, Google gathered all their plans, protocols, and proposals that didn't work or were outdated, dropped them in an old coffin, lit it on fire, and celebrated as went up in smoke.  

Stop short of a bonfire, but once a month, do update strategies, procedures, and timelines to assess what is no longer needed. Some teams conduct "Dumb Rules Contests" to unearth dated procedures that bloat the system. 

Spot check Confirmation Bias, which is when people search out only the information they already believe, discard information that doesn't fit, or change the information until it does. Most "Ain't broke, don't fix it, always done it that way" people who are closed to new ideas are suffering from Confirmation Bias.

In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, 

in the experts mind, there are few 

-Zen master Shunryu

3. Language Switch

Do you get stuck in the problem or move to the solution?

Teams that are stuck in a Passive-Helpless Mindset (the problem mindset) cannot possibly consider creativity or innovation. That is because optimism is the foundational base for both, and without optimistic, future-focused, and active language, the wheels of progress grind to a stop.  

Handy cards for your 30-Day Plan

Make a 30-day agreement with everyone on the team to change language from Passive-Helpless to Active-Action; here's how: Whenever a sentence begins with "We can't, we don't, they can't, they don't" (just to name the most common) agree on an immediate shift to "How can we, how can they" and so on. For example: "Corporate doesn't listen to us anyway." becomes "How can we get Corporate's attention?" Order a few packs for your team. After 30 days, if everyone is part of the game, you won't ever want to switch back.

4. Just say yes

In a meeting or conversation, when a new idea is brought up, instead of shutting it down right away, try saying "yes." Listen for what's next, and let yourselves be led around by the new idea and see what happens. Team members can suddenly be engaged with the magic of possibility. As Pferdt says in his book What's Next is Now: "yes is in the room."

When you use "Just Say Yes," each person adds a yes, and creates a whole new scenario of possibility.

5. Instead of pilot projects, do experiments.

The very nature of experiments denotes a curiosity and a willingness to accept or deny the outcome. The most flexible teams function in a state of Perpetual Experimentation -  just doing.  Experimentation is a way of thinking toward action, and not everything has to be in place before you start. You'll learn quickly enough as you move.

Incorporating flexibility into your team isn't just about changing processes—it's about shifting mindsets and fostering an environment where adaptability becomes second nature. By mastering mistakes, confronting biases, embracing active language, saying "yes" to new possibilities, and experimenting with curiosity, you can transform the way your team operates.

Start small, implement these practices, and watch as your team grows stronger, more dynamic, and better equipped to thrive in an ever-evolving world.

---

• Summary of structures for flexibility:

1. Clear and open communication channels: Increase a shared vision and speed decision-making. 

2. Clearly identified positions and duties: Well-defined roles that cut down ambiguity, avoid duplication, and increase responsibility.

3. Agile methods: Teams that use agile decision-making techniques can react quickly and see opportunities. Scrum and Kanban are examples of project management frameworks that are part of the Agile methodology.

4. Continual education: Create possibilities for members to learn new skills they'll need in the future.

5. Use of virtual collaboration tools and automation. Use technology such as virtual collaboration solutions, communication platforms, project management software, glitch-free video conferencing, and productivity tools such as Time Doctor For Performance Management, Asana For Task Management, Zapier For Workflow Automation, Airtable For Database Management, Google Docs For Document Creation, Dropbox Business For Cloud Storage, Slack For Real-Time Communication, Zoom For Video Conferencing, Evernote Business For Note-taking, Scoro For Business Management.

6. Team Projects. Cooperation fosters creativity, increases cross-functional energy, and boosts idea generation.

Why Can’t they See? How to ask Break-through Questions

They can’t see it because shame and ostracism are greater than the fear of death.

The fear of shame, ‘looking bad in front of others’ and being rejected from the group is the strongest fear we have. We value being ‘good’ members of our ‘good' groups more than we value being right, as long as our group is in line with what we perceive as ‘good.’

We will choose to be wrong if it keeps us as ‘good’ members of our group. If our group engages in behavior that does not line up with what part of ourselves we believe is good, we reject the interpretation of behavior as ‘bad’ in order to remain a part of our group.

In the recent US national election, both parties cried: “can’t they see?” The correct response response is, “no.” Because both parties had an intact belief system, that anything discordant with the belief that I am a good member of a good group is ipso facto, rejected.

But … it is possible for humans to  update and re-evaluate; it’s one of our greatest strengths. Beliefs are not cast in stone. There is a method of discourse that increases understanding.

Beliefs form associative neuronal networks that signal either ‘certainty’ or 'lack of certainty.’ Certainty is an emotional complex. Thus, to influence oneself or others, tap into this emotional complex.

Instead of attempting to convince others, lead the other person to understand their own thinking about your narrative. Focus on the other person’s motivations more than their beliefs. Get others to believe that the change you’re promoting ties in with their identities and motivations.

All influence is self-influence; people will change based on what they want and need, what they convince themselves that they believe.

Two methods of inquiry that to encourage self-examination:

1. SOCRATIC DIALOG uses a series of questions to reach consensus. The original 'Socratic dialogue' began with Socrates stating that he knew nothing about a topic and asked questions of the others. Leaders can use the Socratic Method when they ask others to identify problems themselves, and to reach by their own conclusions. Psychologists use socratic dialog to help their clients evaluate the accuracy of their thoughts and beliefs. 

The Four Stages of Socratic Dialogue are questioning, listening, interacting, and synthesizing.

Here are some examples:

1. Questioning

Ask: “Is confusion a sign of weakness?”

Ask: “Is it true you can’t teach an old dog new tricks?”

Ask: “So garbage cans hide enemies? Tell me more about that.”

2. Listening to responses empathically and reflectively.

“So you’re saying that …” “What I hear is that …"

3. Interaction

Ask: “I wonder what would happen if you didn’t think the garbage cans are hiding enemies?”

Guide the conversation with a series of “what ifs” and “then whats” so that the client can hear their own reasoning and begin to question it.

4. Synthesizing

Say: “So what I’ve been hearing you say is that part of you believes that confusion is a weakness and part of you seems to think that it might be a form of curiosity, openness, growth. The times that you felt confused you might have believed it to be a weakness.”

But I wonder if the part of you that sees it can be a strength can talk to the other part of you and make a deal. The next time you feel confused, what if you experiment and think to yourself: “I’m going through something new here, confusion is normal, it means I’m growing and that’s a strength.” “How would that be?”

2. DIALECTICAL REASONING. Dialectical reasoning is an interaction that involves contrasting opposing points of view to reach a conclusion. It's similar to logic or both-and reasoning; the socratic dialogues are a form of 'dialectical' reasoning.

The process of dialectical reasoning:

1. State a belief.

2. Developing an opposing belief.

3. Combine the two.

The outcome can be a synthesis of the opposing ideas, a refutation of one of the beliefs, or just a crack in the armor of a belief system, allowing further questioning in the future.

Dialectical reasoning helps you be more flexible in your own thinking, release negative emotions and irrational beliefs, and at the same time supports your current state while you are undergoing or thinking of change.

“I feel guilty for doing that AND I know it is the right decision.”

“I feel anxious AND I'm doing it anyway.”

“I can be fully accepting of myself AND want to change.”

“I am doing the very best I can AND I can improve.”

“I am a Republican AND I can vote for a Democrat.”

I found this example sheet helpful from https://mindremakeproject.org - click this link to download. Hold both simultaneously and you have the support you need as well as a path forward.

People can change. All humans can re-evaluate. I hope these methods soften the boundaries of rigid belief systems and help us all to come to a common understanding.

Six Myths that Block Change

Feel blocked leading change? When making changes in either your personal life or at work, you might be doing everything right! But if your strategies are built on old myths, you’re braking your own progress. Do you believe any of these myths?

MYTH:   People resist change.          

TRUTH: People don’t resist change, they resist loss.

It’s not change that’s the problem; we’re born to change and adapt. People resist losing self-esteem, looking foolish, losing face, feeling like a failure. In fact, the fear of shame, ‘looking bad in front of others’ and being rejected from the group is the strongest, most intractable fear we have.  If you highlight what will be kept, what will be gained, what WON’T be lost, and how to prevent people looking bad in front of others, change will be less of an issue.

By believing that ‘people resist change,’ you are hesitant when presenting needed changes. You hold back, appear cautious, expect resistance. Outline the pros and cons of the changes in a way that’s clear that there is a net gain in the end.

MYTH:      Personality is ‘set.’           

TRUTH:  Personality is fluid, if there is such a thing as personality.

This old myth declares that some people can’t be changed or fixed, as in: “Oh, that’s just the way he is.” This myth is a convenient cop-out both for the leader and the ‘personality’ in question. A personality is never ‘set.’ Rather than having a ‘personality,’ instead we are a sum of our beliefs, actions and attitudes. None of these are fixed. All can change if we choose to change them.

MYTH: You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

TRUTH: People can change easily at any age. It’s not age, it’s mindset.

By believing that older employees will have a challenge learning, you might inadvertently require less of them – or think you need to replace them with younger and better learners. In so doing, you lose valuable wisdom and experience that you sorely need. Humans can learn well at any age; there’s no limit to the age that humans can form completely new neuronal networks.

How many employees over 55 are sliding because of this myth? How many over 55 have cut back or cut out? Recent brain research shows that the brain rewires the same way at any age. With persistence, people can learn as much at 90 as they do at 20.

MYTH:    Change takes time.

TRUTH: Change can be created suddenly and often is.

Some processes do take time: system upgrades, complex expansions. But people can change overnight if need be. Feet to the fire, people can change instantly. You just have to get clear, make a compelling case, expect immediate change and follow through. They won’t break.

By believing that too much change will be overwhelming, you hesitate to present the full range of needed changes, or lose momentum by spacing changes out too much. If anything, as long as the path is clear and logical, change faster.

MYTH:  Too much stress from change will make people sick.

TRUTH: People can withstand an almost unlimited amount of stress.

Obviously, if physical forces exceed our body’s capacity, we will succumb. Otherwise, we have protective mechanisms in place to present stress from becoming overwhelming. The myth of “too much change” developed from inaccurate and misleading earlier stress studies in which cumulative life events could add up to give you a score wherein you would theoretically become sick. This scale The Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale did not control for perception of the event, which in itself dictated how much stress would be felt.

There is no limit to the amount of change we can sustain. Chaotic, chronic, unpredictable, and traumatic change can create issues, but it is possible to work to reduce those factors. Ordinary life events will not make you sick.

MYTH:  Uncertainty and confusion are signs of weakness.

TRUTH: Uncertainty and confusion are signs of growth.

Just like the myth that mistakes indicate failure, the old leadership myth that ‘not knowing’ is a weakness can stop progress short. Successful teams hold that, no matter what, all questions are positive, and not knowing is a sign of intellectual curiosity. Confusion means you’re weighing many options and able to hold them in mind simultaneously. Curiosity is the new Intelligence: Admit to not knowing and make it an acceptable norm.

“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day.”
— Albert Einstein, 1955

Two actions teams should take right now

Not despite geopolitical chaos*, but because of it, there are two key actions teams should take now to prepare for the future.

We’re all powerless when it comes to controlling geopolitical events. But we are all powerful when it comes to controlling our own future.

Don’t give this power away waiting to see what happens — when you can be deciding NOW what will happen in your world. For example, if you are waiting to see the impact of AI on your industry, it’s too late already.

Two actions to help prepare for whatever comes up:

1. GET IN SYNC. The best prepared teams have parts working as one. Over a period of five months, 60,000 termites with a clear vision and constant interaction eat one foot of a 2x4 beam. If they can do that without a leader, what could a human team do if they held on to the same vision, with the same motivation, in were in constant contact?

   Don’t tolerate being ‘siloed,’ where  each sector deals with their issues in isolation. Call, write, check in, visit, set common goals.

2. WEED OUT PESSIMISTS. A recent Gallop poll found that 83% of business leaders report workplace pessimism / negativity their #1 problem.

   Listen to the pessimist’s ideas, of course, but if all you hear is: “ain’t broke don’t fix it, always done it that way, that’ll never work,” it’s time to limit their power.

   Only with optimism can possibilities be seen and a future be invented. Our own research shows that over a three-month period, pessimism can be replaced with either neutral or optimistic thinking.

You can choose: to be the fear or be the courage, to fight the future or feel the promise, to wait for the worst or prepare for the best. Get in sync and weed out pessimists now.

* Collins Dictionary word of the year was “Permacrisis” and the WEF Global Risks Report outlines our “polycrisis” and knowledge is now doubling every nine months

3 Workplace Fatal Flaws

Three practices that appear minor, but create enormous drag.

1. Time Wastes. CEOs blame middle management for bad execution but Sutton and Rao found many CEO’s were the ones who held wasteful meetings and were unclear with priorities and end results wanted. If you’re not efficient with time, your employees won’t be, and they’ll waste customer time.

2. Friction Fights. Instead of fighting friction and snags, appoint everyone as a ‘friction-fighter.’ Ask: “What can I get rid of that wastes time and effort?” Find pointless practices and blocks to action, and get rid of them. In your personal life, if you spend time looking for your keys or your phone, get a system or an Airtag! Time is your enemy or ally.

3. Connect Neglect. Stop fixating on your own part of the company or just your own job, and look at the spaces that connect jobs and departments. Every organism from a ragworm to your company is intelligent to the extent that there is high communication among divisions. More neurons or brain cells won’t make you smarter, more glial cells that connect neurons, will. No time for silos: connect!   

Get top management to do time audits of their wasteful meeting practices (or forward this message), formally remove friction points, and set up more systems that connect groups of people. These three changes alone will help power your future.

"If it Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix it"

How do you budge your employee’s belief systems - when they’re detached from reality?

What if their ‘wrong’ belief will lead to their demise? For example, “AI is a fad, it will blow up, I don’t need to learn anything about it.”

Forget trying to convince them with facts and evidence. Their system is closed, the horse has left the barn on that one.

This is a high fear time. For safety, people can dig in to their belief systems, right or wrong.

Here are 3 steps to budging other people’s beliefs:

1. Assume they’re scared (because they are). They fear losing their belief in case a. they will look stupid b. their house of cards will tumble down or c. there will be a vacuum where the old belief was. You might ask “assume for a minute, what would happen if this wasn’t true?” You might expose one of their fears that you would then be able to clear up.

2. Show them where and when their belief made or makes sense. And how wise they are (or were) for holding it. There is (was) protective wisdom in the belief, after all. One of my 60+ year old clients wouldn’t invest in his business for fear of another depression such as impacted his parents during the 1930’s. I told him that that fear made sense in the 1930’s.

3. However, you tell them, “because x has changed, y might also make sense these days, given this …” Then give them an option to consider it; ask them if it makes sense. If they come back and say “yes that kind of makes sense,” affirm their good decision-making skills. The decision needs to have come from them.

First and foremost, recognize that their dug-in resistance derives from anxiety. You can move them only with an appeal to their emotional/safety system, not with evidence and facts.

THREE MYTHS ABOUT AI TAKING YOUR JOB

….and what careers AI IS targeting and changes you can make now.

MYTH: “I’ve spent my life becoming highly skilled and I’m at the top of my game; I’ll be hard to replace.”

REALITY: Soon, much of the content knowledge you have can be replaced by AI bots. Flexibility means being open to learning new skills and technologies. Lifelong learning is more important than ever. Nobody is exempt.

Develop a range of skills peripheral to your core skillset, that you can use in different roles in your industry.

Develop skills that require human creativity, critical thinking, and emotional intelligence, such as leadership, problem-solving, and communication.  Authenticity, empathy and self-awareness are future skills, develop these and teach others. You might need to take course, they often don’t come naturally.

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MYTH “If I don’t think about AI it won’t impact me.”

REALITY: Don’t avoid thinking about AI believing that if you avoid it, it will avoid you. Keep up with AI and how your profession can use it. If you can master using AI to increase your proficiency, you’ll still be in demand.

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MYTH: “If I keep my head down I won’t be targeted for replacement. Besides, I’m a one-person show.”

REALITY: Develop stronger relationships with colleagues, clients, and other professionals. Collaboration is the future.

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Check your job/profession for a summary of actions to take now:

• Accounting - Because AI struggles to understand mathematical processes and makes up data to cover up mistakes, you’ll be needed to oversee the system. For that, you’ll need to understand it :). Focus on financial analysis and strategic consulting, or specialize in managing AI-driven accounting systems, digital banking solutions and cybersecurity. AI software is more efficient than humans at managing financial and administrative records so bookkeeping is replaceable. Data entry is phased out but data scientists will be in demand. Take a course in data analysis.

• Agriculture: Automated machines can monitor and manage crops more efficiently than humans, replacing agricultural jobs. In any area of agriculture, digital literacy is key. Invest in training programs to make sure that audit, credit review, and appraisal workers are digitally literate and can effectively use new technologies. Increase focus on a customer-centric culture to understand the evolving needs of farmers and agribusinesses. Improve customer experiences  by creating user-friendly digital platforms. Foster collaborations with agri-tech startups, research institutions, and government agencies. Partnerships give you access to tech insights that will help with risk assessment and credit appraisal.

• Assembly Line: Robots perform repetitive assembly line tasks faster and more consistently than humans. Workers should take courses in robotics maintenance and programming, quality control, or logistics management.

• Customer Service: AI-chatbots handle routine customer interactions, so take courses to prepare you to handle difficult and complex interactions with empathy. Customer success managers and relationship managers will be in demand; and start to study how you can increase your customer’s success.

• Digital marketing: Human touch is needed for creative content development and strategy, even though AI can automate some aspects of digital marketing, such as data analysis and advertising optimization.

• Drivers/transportation: Self-driving cars and delivery drones will replace jobs in transportation and logistics. Drivers should learn to be fleet managers and logistics coordinators and learn to maintain autonomous vehicle technologies.

• Healthcare: AI is less likely to replace jobs in healthcare, such as nursing and physical therapy, although psychologists jobs are on the block. :( Jobs that require empathy, social interaction, and complex decision-making, can’t be replaced by AI - yet. But other professional are more replaceable such as Radiologists, who should focus on complex cases and patient consultations or begin to specialize in interventional radiology and minimally invasive procedures.

• Legal: AI gathers information and conducts legal analyses. Paralegals should focus on case strategy development and client communication, or specialize in areas where human judgment and interpretation are needed.

• Librarians can curate digital collections, give higher-level research guidance, or specialize in information management and data organization.

• Market research analysts can re-focus on consumer behavior analysis, computing and information sciences, competitive intelligence, or strategic planning.

• Telemarketers will be phased out but development of customer relationship strategies and sales strategies or high-end customer service careers will be kept.

HOME FREE FOR NOW

• Environmental science: Companies and governments both predict job growth in environmental science. Fields such as renewable energy and waste management will grow.

• Cybersecurity: Professionals with skills in data security, encryption, and threat intelligence will be in demand pretty much until singularity.

Remember, it’s never too late, you’re never too old, and nothing is possible. Adapt, learn and grow- you’ll stay young forever.

4 PATHS TO WORKPLACE OPTIMISM

1.YOU START

Start with yourself. If you’re struggling being optimistic, others will too. You can’t give what you don’t have. How you treat yourself will be how you automatically treat others. :)

Morning: “I will notice what’s right today.”

Afternoon: Write a note to one person who did something well.

Night: Note a positive thing that happened, or a success you had.

The three above seem so simple - how can they work? P.S. If you are not doing them consistently now, why not give it a try.

2. SET LANGUAGE BEST PRACTICES

a. Switch statements from passive to active. Don’t accept people saying: “It’s hot here” or “HR is slow” (passive, ineffectual, damaging).

Require an active solution. “Turn down the heat.” “Let’s call up HR and work this out.”

b. Change

“we have to” ……. to ………. “we get to”

“we need to” ……. to ………. “we want to”

“we can’t” ……. to ……….  “what if we could?"

3. A REWARD SYSTEM THAT WORKS

Save money. An Immediate - Unpredicted - Meaningful and Sincere thank you is worth more than a plaque. Say as often as you can.

4. A ZERO-EXCUSES POLICY

This is a fast and easy way to dig up excuses people have so you can dispel them.

• Have people list three things “we could do that would make a huge impact, that we are now not doing.”

• Then ask them to write down “why not?” Why are you not doing them?

  There are your excuses right there.

Never say Never. The 4 Futures to Plan.

Collins Dictionary 2022 Word of the Year was permacrisis, or “an extended period of instability and insecurity.”  World Economic Forum’s 2023 Global Risks Report describes a “polycrisis."

CEO Daily’s Alan Murray, writing for Fortune, asked Indra Nooyi, ex-CEO of PepsiCo how to lead others through these times. She replied: “Rather than articulate a vision, talk about alternatives and scenarios. That way your team will look for changes in the environment that could impact your direction.”

Follower’s of Dan Burrus know to their spend time on future scenarios, but most spend their time putting out current fires precisely because they didn't plan for the future.

There are four futures worth 10% of your time, in descending order. They are your:

1. Preferable Future. “What do we want and expect to happen?”   

2. Probable Future. “What probably might happen?”

3. Plausible Future. “It’s not probable, but it could be."

4. Possible Future. “It’s a stretch, and nobody thinks it will happen, but yes, it is possible.”

It’s in the plausible and possible futures (“nah, that won’t scale up”) that you can be caught short. Those tiny blips on the horizon that your 1990’s brain tells you will never be? Well, yes they might, and it’s a good idea to plan for them.

Never say never.

Help me! I'm stuck in an echo chamber.

Do you have friends/family members/co-workers stuck in a belief system that has nothing to do with reality? How do you get through to them? [subtext = get them to see the error of their ways].

The place where NOT to start is flooding them with facts, evidence, or data. They will either convert this information to their belief system, throw it out, or stop listening. Probably all three. That’s what Confirmation Bias is about (see diagram).

Their beliefs are as valid for their world as your beliefs are for your world. Beliefs help organize a chaotic world. Have a conversation only if their beliefs are posing a real danger to themselves or others.

Suggestions:

1. Don’t go in with the intention of changing their thinking.

2. If you can tolerate it, ask them about their belief system and truly listen. [see #1, above]. You must have a sincere desire to find out, and they must sense you do, or they’ll clam up. Have them explain their beliefs. Sometimes listening to themselves out loud and scrambling to find evidence for their beliefs is enough to shake the beliefs just a bit. That’s good.

3. To uncover fears contributing to the echo chamber, say something like “a lot of people are afraid that the American Dream will never be possible for them. Can you relate to that?” Or “I hear a lot on TV that immigrants are taking over America, displacing the rest of us. Are you hearing that?” There are so many [ungrounded] fears out there that you might not hit the exact ones, but if you’re open and accepting, you might hear what fears ARE adding to the chamber. That’s a great start; talking about one’s fears loosens them up.

The power of 1-2-3 above can be amazing. Last year, I coached an executive team at a West Coast Winery who was stuck between generations: the 70’ish founders, and the 40-something kids poised to take over. No amount of evidence could convince the founders to invest in new technology.

When the 70’ish pair finally agreed to see me, in a gentle-but-direct clinical style, I asked about their past, their upbringing, their parents. It turned out that they were stuck in a depression-era fear capsule, that money would run out with this investment, and their family thrown into despair. A bit of socratic dialogue later, they exposed their fears themselves and could only then move ahead.

You don’t need a clinical degree for this process, as long as you follow #1 - don’t try to change people. Just listen. They might just change themselves.

Don’t try to change people.

Just listen. They might just change themselves.

Tell Me a Story

Storytelling helps create a triple win for all three leadership skills of empathy, authenticity and self-awareness. A recent HBR article “Storytelling That Drives Bold Change” describes how storytelling creates organizational momentum.

So too, your personal stories that describe how you have worked through tough times and climbed out the other side, can be deeply connecting.

Here are 4 steps to creating personal short stories. Create your stories with the intention of encouraging others, not of highlighting your own success.

1. What was it like at the beginning? “When I got this job, I was scared of messing up the new relationships I had with clients.”

2. What did you go through? “I don’t think I slept for two weeks.”

3. How did you dig out? “Then one day I lost an account. Nothing terrible happened. Nobody canned me, they were super supportive.”

4. How does this relate to others, right now? “So with all these changes, some of you might be feeling that way too. I learned that the fear of blowing it was worse than actually blowing it. So do your best, be careful but if it goes down, we talk about it and move on.”

Tell your own story. A few years ago, I watched CEO Warner Thomas, formerly of Ochsner Health System and currently of Sutter Health sit on a bar stool describing to his people the personal challenges he’d had, and how he’d worked them through. His intention from the stage was clear, real, honest and vulnerable.

Warner is not only well-loved, but inspires courage in others.

Vulnerability is the new courage.

You’re kinder than you think. Why that’s important.

Yeah we all know kindness matters. But we don’t know how MUCH it matters! If your budget is low for employee recognition, you might be downplaying the most effective and the least expensive strategy: a small kindness.

Micro-kindnesses (a recognition, a thank-you, a noticing, a remembering) go further than we think in not just recipients’ well-being, but in workplace culture. Employees who receive micro-kindnesses stay at their employs significantly longer, report higher levels of well-being and are more productive.

Recent research has shown that we underestimate the power of reaching out to friends, family and colleagues. For example, if we rate our own action as, say, a 4/10 in importance, recipients would rate the same action would rate it 8/10. Even a short call makes a big difference.

Researchers found that knowing one's positive impact on others increases acts of kindness. Prosocial behavior can lower stress levels, and even an occasional text means more than we think.

Even witnessing acts of kindness can increase our levels of oxytocin, which can increase optimism and improve health.

Why not reach out right now and make someone’s day; it’s good for your health too. PS Good job for reading this. :) Here’s a pdf download.

STUCK IN THE MIDDLE

In the echo chamber of Confirmation Bias (the dark blue part in the middle), we accept only what we already believe, what we want to believe and what doesn’t stir up our fears. Cognitive dissonance allows us to live in an upside-down world and believe that everyone else is wrong. Many people would prefer to change facts rather than their belief systems. 

Why do people get stuck here? In sum, because they feel defenseless in the presence of a perceived danger. What to do?

Here’s a challenge for you: Supposing a colleague was trapped in the chamber where facts and data were filtered by his fears and beliefs. He’s missing opportunities and failing to take needed action. What should be done?

1. He needs to leave, his denial makes him a danger to the company.

2. Just provide data that he agrees with to keep conflict down.

3. Work around him to get things done.

4. Knowing he feels defenseless in the face of perceived danger, find out his ‘perceived’ danger and what his fears and beliefs were about it, and gently help him work through them.

Guessed right! #4 it is.

PS Confirmation Bias is a serious thinking fault. Help us research it by sending me your experiences with someone’s ‘Echo Chamber.’ Don’t use real names or company locations. I’ll respond to every message.

Can't Decide?

The sheer volume of work + unprecedented instability = an overwhelming number of decisions to make each day. Too much!

A 2023 Oracle Survey of 14,000 leaders in 17 countries found that 86% are less confident making decisions, 85% suffer from decision distress and 72% are too paralyzed to make decisions at all.

Generative A.I. compounds the overwhelm. The number of decisions every day has increased tenfold over the last three years (74%), 78% are bombarded with more data than ever, and 86% say the volume of data is making decisions much more complicated.

Avoid decision distress. Brains are cognitive misers. They avoid decisions when they can, because decision-making takes a lot of energy. Willpower and decision-making ability deteriorate with the number and complexity of decisions. After time, caution goes down and decisions become more impulsive. That’s why impulse items are at grocery checkouts.

• The brain can tolerate just so much before it goes into rest cycle.

• The demand for decision-making is increasing daily, but our capacity to make them is not.

• After we have peaked our capacity, more data only overwhelms.

Don’t think you can power through with last year’s strategies. Make these changes:

1. Make important decisions earlier in the day before brain fatigue sets in.

2. Cut down on unimportant decisions. Streamline your life to avoid low-level decision making. Monitor and control the number of decisions you make daily.

3. Give your brain a rest. Get into nature. Go for a run. Take a shower. Meditate. Stare at a blank wall.

4. Think about doing less. If your brain is shouting that you’re doing too much, you’re doing too much.

Slow down + do less = better decisions.

THE PSYCHOLOGY OF A WINNING QUARTERBACK

Patrick Mahomes, KC Quarterback

Patrick Mahomes was asked- “How do you perform at maximum capability while knowing that just one small mistake — like, say, fumbling for a turnover in the biggest game of the season — will be seen by hundreds of millions and locked on film forever?”

Some would say that a paycheck of $45 million a year helps but money doesn’t buy MVP status.

Here’s his secret: Mahomes picked up from his Texas Tech intro psych class what psychologist George Miller claimed over 50 years ago: short-term memory capacity is about +/- 7 items.

Fast forward to Mahomes’ mental skills coach Paddy Steinfort observation: “I was struck by how vulnerable he was. He would do whatever it took to get the clearest mind possible going into the game and whatever it took to make himself better.”

Mahomes attributes his extraordinary focus to two elements:

1. His consistent mind-clearing daily practice of meditation and

2. his ability to let in only the top 3-4 things he needs to know at a given time.

Though the mind is capable of holding up to nine items, under stress in a complex environment, the number can reduce to two or three items. Mahomes does not focus on the crowd, the noise, how big the game is, what coverage the cornerbacks are playing. He calls the play, takes the snap, throws, finds completions downfield, maybe runs the ball …. 4-5 max.

If you haven’t yet trained for the mental game of getting to the top of your world, why not start with 5-minutes of quiet twice a day? Let unwanted thoughts float through your mind and evaporate out. Gradually increase the time until about 20 minutes. When your 20 minutes is up, gently let the top 1-3 items that would make the most difference in your life at that moment float to the top.

The uncanny focus you will bring to these items will bring MVP status to whatever you are doing.