Triangles impede progress, divert energy, and destroy group spirit. Make sure they don’t thrive where you work.
WHAT’S A TRIANGLE?
A triangle has three parts: a Victim [1] who feels incapable of change, a Bully who plays the Bad Guy and the Rescuer who plays the Good Guy.
HOW TO SPOT A VICTIM
Their key phrases are:
“I can’t help it.”
“It’s not fair.”
“I didn’t know.”
“They won’t let us.”
“Look what they are doing to us.”
BULLY
The enemy is anyone or anything that the Victim can blame and hold responsible.
RESCUER
The Hero or Rescuer’s role is to listen, probably sympathize and optionally, fix the situation. Heroes or Rescuers think of themselves as helpful and caring people.
WHAT TO DO
Stop the Victim. “Do not do anything for people over the age of 18 that they should be doing for themselves.” All you need to do is stop reinforcing the behavior i.e. to stop listening and redirect.
Have a 100% zero-tolerance policy. If just one Rescuer remains, the Victim will find him/her/it.
Hold “hard conversations” boot camps using the information in this blog.
It’s worth it! Victims can develop an action focus and take charge of their lives. Bullies can learn to be challengers. Rescuers can be Coaches. Use energy toward positive action; don’t get stuck in Triangles.
Download this article about Triangles to read more … and to get role-play exercises on how to break triangles.
