We know better! Why don’t we stop driving change and start designing it?

Most change initiatives don’t fail because the strategy is wrong—they fail because the people asked to implement the change weren’t involved in creating it. We all know that: why aren’t more leaders doing it?

Top-down mandates look efficient, but they rarely inspire. They’re often met with confusion, resistance, or quiet disengagement.

By contrast, co-created change generates energy, alignment, and commitment. It turns passive compliance into active contribution.

Why Co-Creation Works

According to Hamilton (2024), “People don’t resist change—they resist being changed without input.” Involving employees doesn’t just improve outcomes. It shifts the emotional terrain:

• Reduces fear and uncertainty

• Restores a sense of agency

• Builds commitment through inclusion

• Breaks down silos by building trust

Even if employees don’t make the final call, being part of the process builds what psychologists call “psychological ownership.” And ownership drives action. When people help design the future, they’re more likely to champion it.

The Cost of Exclusion

Harvard professor John Kotter famously found that up to 70% of change efforts fail, largely because leaders:

• Announce instead of ask

• Roll out instead of listen

• Define problems without consulting the people closest to them

Decisions made in boardrooms and handed down like commandments leave employees feeling like passengers, not pilots. The result? Creativity stalls. Engagement drops. Resistance grows.

4 Principles of Co-Created Change

1. Start with Listening, Not Launching

Before announcing a new direction, ask:

• What’s not working today?

• What ideas have you had that we haven’t explored?

• What would success look like to you?

Capture themes. Reflect them back. Integrate what you hear.

You earn trust not by being right, but by being real—and by listening first.

2. Use Experiments, Not Edicts

Frame change as a pilot, not a policy. Invite people to test, learn, and adjust.

“We’re piloting a new meeting structure in two teams. If it improves engagement and reduces overload, we’ll expand it. Help us shape it.”

This lowers fear and invites creative ownership.

3. Appoint Change Shapers at Every Level

Form a network of trusted voices: volunteers, peer influencers, and informal leaders. These are your “change shapers.”

They help:

• Gather ground-level feedback

• Rally their teams

• Make change feel peer-led, not top-down

4. Celebrate Adaptation, Not Just Adherence

Don’t just reward compliance. Recognize when someone:

• Spots a flaw early

• Improves a process

• Advocates for something better

This sends a powerful signal: Change isn’t static. It’s alive.

One global firm facing the return-to-office debate didn’t dictate a solution. They asked:

• What’s working in our current setup?

• What’s missing?

• What does your ideal week look like?

Cross-functional teams co-designed:

• “Anchor” days for in-office collaboration

• Home days for deep focus

• Office layouts based on actual work needs

The result?

• Higher engagement

• Lower turnover

• A hybrid policy employees felt they owned

Frame Change as a Partnership

Ditch the phrase “We’ve decided.” Instead, try:

• “Here’s what we’re exploring—what are your thoughts?”

• “This is the challenge. What would you do?”

• “How might we...?”

That last phrase—“how might we”—is the gateway to collaborative leadership.

Team Questions

• Where have we assumed instead of asked?

• Who are the informal leaders we could invite into the process?

• What small experiment could we run this month to co-design change?

You don’t need to “sell” people on what they’ve helped build.

Yes, co-creation takes more time upfront. But it saves time—and energy—later. Because people rarely resist what they helped shape.

When you invite voices from every level, you don’t just get better solutions.

You get belief.
You get momentum.
You get a movement.

To Every Leader Doing This Work…

If you're reading this, you're already on the path to more human, effective leadership.

Keep going. You're not just managing change.
You're modeling courage.
You're designing cultures people want to belong to.

References

Hamilton, D. (2024). How to get people to buy into change. Forbes.

Kotter, J. P. (2012). Leading change. Harvard Business Review Press.

Urban Land Institute. (2024). The new rules of inclusive change.

HBR Editors. (2023). Employees want a say in corporate decisions — and performance improves when they get it. Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org

Briône, M. (2023). Co-creating organizational culture: Employee voice and the architecture of trust. Journal of Organizational Change Management, 36(1), 41–59. https://doi.org/10.1108/JOCM-11-2022-0361

Grant, A. (2021). Think again: The power of knowing what you don't know. Viking.

What If Your Manager Burns Out?

According to Jan Bruce’s research at meQuilibrium (2025), managers today face:

📍 59% higher emotional demand than direct reports

📍 12% less likelihood of receiving support

📍 A 50% chance of considering quitting within a year

When managers are burned out, your growth stalls. But this is also your master class in Influencing up.

Signs of a burned-out boss (Chamorro-Premuzic, 2024):

📍 Inconsistent energy (microInfluencing one day, absent the next)

📍 Emotional disconnection or dismissiveness

📍 Unclear direction, dropped feedback loops

What can you do?

✅ Create Structure

Lead 1:1s with clear agendas. Follow up in writing. Maintain a paper trail that protects both of you.

✅ Normalize Support

Model healthy boundaries. Thank them when they make space. Offer support without over-functioning.

✅ Set the Tone

People mirror the energy around them. Stay calm, focused, and kind. You don’t need to meditate on Fifth Avenue, but you can lead without a title.

Insta Post June 16, 2025

Thoughts You don’t control the pace of change. But you control how you show up. You can improve your manager’s performance, build your internal brand, shield yourself during layoffs and transitions, and put yourself in a position to lead in the next opportunity.

Influencing up isn’t about ego—it’s about alignment, visibility, and leadership from every seat.

Your boss has a thousand fires to fight.

Be the person who brings clarity, calm, and contribution.

Not only will you elevate your career—you’ll stabilize your team during transition.

When “Stop Worrying” Doesn’t Work

A Kinder Approach to Managing Your Mind
By Dr. Janet Lapp

Have you ever tried to talk yourself out of worry? “Just stop thinking about it,” you tell yourself. Yet minutes later, the worry is louder than ever.

There’s a reason for that — and it’s not because you’re weak. It’s because your brain has built-in processes that resist this kind of command.

Why "Stop Worrying" Fails

• Psychological Reactance:
  The moment you tell yourself not to think about something, your mind rebels. It’s a survival instinct: your attention is drawn even more to the "forbidden" thought.

• Zeigarnik Effect:
  Our minds cling to unfinished tasks. Worry, if not fully acknowledged, becomes one of those tasks—popping up over and over.

• Self-Confidence Erosion:
  When attempts to banish worry fail, you may start believing there’s something wrong with you. There isn’t. Your brain is operating as designed.

Why It Matters: The Health Toll of Worry

Worry doesn’t just sap happiness — it can make us sick. Harvard fMRI studies show that imagining a stressful event triggers the same brain activity and hormone release as actually experiencing it. Chronic worry activates a stress cascade that harms the body:

• Higher blood pressure

• Suppressed immunity

• Memory and learning impairments

• Increased belly fat

• Accelerated aging (via telomere shortening)

Beyond physical health, chronic worry robs us of time and energy. Some studies estimate we spend up to 50% of our time worrying—with no benefit.

A Gentle, Effective Practice

If your worry feels rooted in deeper anxiety or trauma, consider working with a trauma-informed psychologist. But for day-to-day worries, here’s a simple method you can try:

The Worry Pad Method

1️⃣ When you notice a worry, pause. Congratulate yourself for noticing it. Don’t fight it—write it in Column One of your Worry Pad.

2️⃣ Schedule a 15-minute “Worry Appointment” later that day.

3️⃣ During your appointment, look at each worry mindfully. Then ask:

Can I fix this? (Column Two “Can Control”)

Is this out of my control? (Column Three: “Cannot Control”)

If you can take action, note it and plan it. If not, practice releasing.

Remind yourself of this wisdom: "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Why This Works

Simply naming and categorizing your worries reduces their grip. Complete concentration by the ‘thinking’ part of your brain moves you to solutions or to let go of what you can’t control—freeing your mind and energy for what matters most.

You’ve got meaningful work to do.

Don’t let worry steal that from you.

Beat Decision Fatigue and Make Better Decisions

“The hardest thing about making decisions is not making them, but knowing when you’ve made too many.”
— Anonymous

Executive Summary

✅ Decision fatigue is real: the brain’s decision-making capacity is finite each day.

✅ 72% of leaders report feeling paralyzed in decision-making due to overload and stress.

✅ Avoid overload by making key choices early, batching decisions, and reducing low-stakes decisions.

✅ Your brain is a “cognitive miser”—it avoids energy-intensive thinking when overloaded.

✅ Recovery (via nature, rest, exercise) restores capacity for better decisions.

Our brains were not built for the complexity of modern life. Every choice—from what to wear to how to answer an email—uses precious mental energy. The more decisions we make, the less capacity we have for smart, thoughtful ones later on.

That’s why grocery stores put the candy at checkout. After 30 minutes of decisions, your brain is tired. You’re more impulsive. Less careful.

The American Psychological Association’s recent Harris Poll showed that 32% of adults struggle with even basic decisions. Among global leaders, 72% reported being paralyzed in decision-making due to stress, and 86% feel less confident in their decisions. That’s not personal failure. It’s biology.

Your brain is what psychologists call a cognitive miser—it conserves energy by avoiding unnecessary effort. That includes decisions. It’s why we default to habits, routines, and social cues.

To make better decisions, we need to stop overwhelming the system. That means:

📌 Make key decisions early in the day when cognitive energy is highest.

📌 Avoid stacking complex decisions—three or four in a row is the limit.

📌 Eliminate unnecessary ones (“You pick the movie tonight”).

📌 Build rest into your day: a walk, a shower, or even 10 minutes of quiet can restore decision capacity.

📌 Reduce the number of things on your to-do list. Mental clutter is the enemy of clarity.

In a world of infinite options, we must guard the finite energy that allows us to choose well. Good decisions come from a well-resourced brain.

The Brain Behind the Choice: Using Values to Make Better Decisions

“Tell me what you pay attention to, and I will tell you who you are.”
— José Ortega y Gasset

Executive Summary

• Every decision is driven by how our brain calculates value—often without our awareness.

• Our value system weighs choices based on past experience, present context, and future goals.

• We favor what is familiar or identity-reinforcing, even if it’s misaligned with long-term growth.

• Awareness of how these systems operate gives us a chance to intervene and shift our behaviors.

• Small cognitive shifts can make future-oriented or more aligned choices feel immediately rewarding.

At every moment, we’re choosing. What to eat. What to say. Whether to send that email or go for a walk. We tend to believe our decisions are rational, but most are shaped below the surface—by unconscious patterns our brains have learned over time.

In her powerful new book What We Value: The Neuroscience of Choice and Change, neuroscientist Emily Falk explains how our brains assign value to different options. This value calculation—performed by a network of brain regions known as the value system—is the hidden engine of nearly every choice we make. We imagine we’re in control, but often, we’re just following what feels most familiar or comfortable.

For example, when Falk faced the decision to go for a run or finish work, her brain—already fatigued and influenced by context—chose the inbox. Her value system, shaped by identity (“I’m a dedicated researcher”), past outcomes (“I’ve been rewarded for answering emails”), and current fatigue, made the run seem less worthwhile. This choice wasn’t irrational—it was just automated by her brain’s algorithms.

But there’s hope. Falk shows that values aren’t static. They’re fluid and responsive. We can nudge our decisions by changing what we focus on. If we frame running not as a chore but as a chance to connect with a loved one or boost creative thinking, it starts to compete with the inbox. That’s not tricking the brain—it’s re-weighting the value calculation toward what we actually care about.

Recognizing the unconscious scaffolding of our decisions allows us to realign. We can pause and ask: “What am I really valuing in this moment? Is that aligned with who I want to become?”

As Falk says, “Understanding this can help us identify opportunities to change.” Decisions are not just about self-control. They’re about visibility. We can’t choose options that our brains never consider.

The first step toward change is getting more options on the radar.

Engagement: OUT Well-Being: IN

But what does that mean and who cares any more?

Since 2013, engagement has hovered around 30% despite a plethora of initiatives. Why?

1. Lack of top leadership buy-In. Employees resent that leadership ‘placates’ without really caring.

2. Poor or infrequent surveys, and lack of action taken on those that are done.

3. No payoff to initiatives that were just seen as time-wasters.

Turns out that Oxford University research has found that employee well-being, not engagement, is the driver of productivity and business success. Well-Being means measuring how people feel at work. When employees are happy, less stressed, and feel connected, they bring their best selves.

This is short-form Oxford assessment used:

1. I am happy at work most of the time.

2. My work has a clear sense of purpose.

3. Overall, I am completely satisfied with my job.

4. I feel stressed at work most of the time.

1. Belonging is the most impactful, yet only 6% of leaders see belonging as ‘important’.

2. Feeling cared about

3. Friendships and connection

4. Feeling appreciated

1. SAY IT

Tell people they belong and why. A recent focus group of San Diego YMCA members (and staff) found that the key to retention was a feeling of belonging to community, that someone cared about them being there. The YMCA banners “You Belong” have a positive impact.

2. REWARD IT

Highlight even small achievements, innovations, and steps forward by name and team. Celebrate birthdays and milestones with simple gestures. Hold special events, icebreakers, team competitions, pop-ins. San Diego’s Liberty Military Housing schedules senior leaders to visit sites with treats and to just ‘hang out’ with employees.

2. PROVE IT.

Be available. Open a direct channel of communication, whether it’s on your intranet, an open texting system like New Balance, or a monthly town hall with the CEO—all where topics can be brought up without fear of punishment.

Listen. If surveys say that reasonable work hours, discouraging after-hours emails, requests to check-with-us-first-before-demanding-change is important - make the effort!

3. BUILD IT

Build belonging with team projects that bond people, cross-departmental happy hours or team lunches that allow employees to know each other well enough that they can work toward  celebrating each other’s accomplishments.

THE POWER OF HARD CONVERSATIONS - PART THREE - FOLLOW THIS FORMULA

FOLLOW THIS FORMULA FOR HANDLING TRIGGERS

You find conversations hard because they might will involve conflict. You avoid conflict both because you don’t want others to be mad at you and because in the past you’ve been at a loss for words, feel like you failed, and left the conversation in shame. That creates a powerful motivation for avoidance.

If you follow this formula, you will no longer be stuck. You will expect someone to trigger you, and you will be able to bring the conversation back on track. You will leave with a resolution at the end.

THE FORMULA: WHAT-WHY-WHAT-WAIT

1. WHAT

DESCRIBE TO THE OTHER PERSON THE BEHAVIOR THAT NEEDS TO CHANGE.

Start with the word: “when.” “When you are late for meetings …”

2.  WHY

STATE THE REASON IT HAS TO CHANGE. “Other people’s time is impacted.” “The whole system falls behind.”

3. WHAT

MAKE THE DIRECT REQUEST.  Tell them WHAT specifically you want. “I would like you to be on time.”

4.  WAIT for the Trigger where you’ve been thrown off track in the past.

Defiant: “Others are late all the time.”

Tearful: “Why are you picking on me?”

5.  CALL out the Trigger (you can empathize, but you’re on to them, and it won’t work with you). Feel the quiet power in these sentences:

“I can see you’re upset. However, this is important let’s go through it.'“

“Screaming isn’t working, and we’re disturbing the others. Let’s speak quietly”

“I see you’re withdrawing. It’s best to speak up if something is working for you.”

“Blaming others doesn’t work. This is your responsibility, let’s fix it”

“Trying isn’t the same as doing, let’s see how you can do this.”

6. Get back to the issue. You are not buying in, you mean business.“However, it’s important you’re on time. Can we agree on that?” “What are the reasons why you’re late?” Problem solve reasons if appropriate. If no reasons, “So I‘d like you to be on time this week.”

7.  Consequences if behavior continues. (This step depends on your own guidelines)

“Because you’ve been late again twice this week … (consequences).”

Practice, practice, practice with friends, family, your pets. Get fluent and comfortable using the words. Ask your audiences to give you a hard time and see how you handle it.

You’ll find that if you follow this formula, you will no longer be stuck. You will expect someone to trigger you, and you will be able to bring the conversation back on track.

You will leave with a resolution at the end.

And realize the power of Hard Conversations.

WHY ARE YOU TRIGGERED?

THE POWER OF HARD CONVERSATIONS PART TWO

Your emotional triggers (how people can get to you) are made up of unresolved trauma. You think your triggers are hidden, but others can spot them and take advantage of them. You can’t be comfortable with conflict until you disable your triggers.

In a perfect world, if you approached someone with  a request for a change in behavior, people would say: “Thanks for pointing that out” and change their behavior. :) But their unresolved trauma and defenses prevent them. So, you’re faced with working through their defenses as well as your own! But being aware of your triggers, you can prepare a response ahead of time, and not let yourself be distracted or taken in.

Look through these common triggers. Which ones have people used with you?

Is there one grouping that has received more check marks than the others?  Any sense where that comes from?

You don’t have to understand a trigger’s origin before you dismantle it. You do need to understand that your vulnerability to certain behaviors result from your old stories and that you can let them go now.

A PERSONAL NOTE ABOUT TRIGGERS

The human spirit is an amazing self-healer and protector. The habits you have developed are self-protective. Even the habits you don’t like in yourself are not weaknesses; they are strengths.

If you find it hard to risk upsetting people, you avoid confronting acting-out team or family members, or shrink when others are irate - there is nothing wrong with you. All your old behaviors have served a purpose. Ask yourself if they are still a service to you.

Every phase you've ever gone through was you working it out in that moment with the information you had at the time. You can cringe at what you might've done a couple of years ago and cringe at the things you actually did, but most important, celebrate where you've been, who you are now, where you are now, and where you're going. This acceptance gives your old stories permission to resolve and to reshape themselves into stories that serve you better.

• You no longer need to be vigilant for others’ moods because you’re an adult now, and can care for yourself.

• Detach from the concern about how other people are feeling. Trust that if someone else has an issue or a problem it is their job to express it. They are responsible for keeping their side of the street clean. You don’t need to be sweeping your co-workers or partners sidewalk for them. It’s exhausting and is usually not appreciated.

Watch next week for Part Three: Follow the Formula. If you follow this formula, you will no longer be stuck. You will expect someone to trigger you, and you will be able to bring the conversation back on track.

You will leave with a resolution at the end.

And feel the Power of Hard Conversations.

73% DON’T LIKE HARD CONVERSATIONS. 62% AVOID THEM. LEARN THE POWER OF HARD CONVERSATIONS

PART ONE

WHY YOU AVOID THEM

Hard conversations are emotionally challenging, uncomfortable, and can be frightening. They can involve sensitive topics that lead to conflict, disagreement, or hurt feelings. They have the capacity to stir up deep fears and unhealed trauma. And therein lies their power.

Holding a conversation that is hard for you is brave. It shows that you have the strength to face emotional discomfort. You know that resolving the possible conflict creates trust, respect, and bonding,

WHAT MAKES THEM SO HARD?

A. YOU HAVE OLD STORIES TO CHANGE

‘Old stories’ have been passed down to you to protect you from imagined or real harm. Are still telling yourself these old stories?

OLD STORY: IT’S ABOUT YOU. If someone is mad at you, it’s because of what you’ve done or who you are.

NEW STORY: IT’S NEVER ABOUT YOU. People act because of who THEY are. Anger is a cover for fear. People who blow up at you are in fear. Their trauma is projected onto you. Trauma doesn’t think clearly.

OLD STORY: IT WOULD BE TERRIBLE IF SOMEONE DIDN’T LIKE YOU. You’re  ‘nice’, don’t want to upset people, and go along so they will like you. You even sacrifice your integrity for the sake of pleasing others.

NEW STORY: OTHER PEOPLE DON’T EVEN EVALUATE YOU. Neuroscientist Daniel Glaser says your sensitivity to thinking others are judging you is not because you care what people think, it’s because you’re telling yourself false negative stories about what they think. Your brain listens to everything you think and say. The negative stories come from you.

People think about themselves. If they happen to think about you, it is more positive than you think. One study found that people underestimate how much others like them. Whether people treat you in a positive or negative way has to do with them, and not you.

How many of these statements at the bottom of this paper do you agree with? THE FNE SCALE measures how much the Fear of Negative Evaluation hinders you. The higher your score, the more this old story is a barrier to successful conflict management. If your score is over, say 4 or 5, take it as an opportunity to learn a valuable skill!

OLD STORY: YOU DON’T HAVE THE POWER. If you believe that success has to do with luck, things aren’t fair, and you have little control, you also believe that people can make you feel a certain way. Do you ever say: “she annoys me” “they drive me nuts” “he is so inconsiderate” and so on? These indicate you give control to other people.

NEW STORY: YOU CAUSE YOUR OWN MOODS. It is impossible for one person to create a mood in another person. You choose how your life is unfolding. You can be triggered by the words and actions of others, but you control your own triggers. 

OLD STORY: CONFLICT SHOULD BE AVOIDED. People should just get along; it’s terrible when people are in conflict with each other. Nothing good comes of it, so it’s best avoided.

NEW STORY: CONFLICT IS HEALTHY AND GOOD FOR BUSINESS. The successful resolution of conflict is healing. Since people are at their most vulnerable when fearful, your kind words can change a life. Approach conflict with that intention.

It’s good for business as well. Happy conflict resolution creates raving fans and customers for life who post their joy on social media and tell their friends how awesome you are.

• IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU.

• PEOPLE AREN’T EVALUATING YOU.

• YOU CONTROL YOUR OWN MOOD.

• CONFLICT RESOLUTION HEALS.

Complaining is not a Strategy

Recent surveys of middle- and upper-managers find that over 55% of their employees consistently complain, that is, their default communication style is passive and ineffective. Complaints include: workload, excess stress, not enough recognition, poor communication, poorly-executed rollouts, lack of time off. Over 73% report that time is wasted and morale decreased by continual employee complaining. Moreover:

1. Complaining trains the brain to focus on the negative, which can lead to a more permanent pessimism.

2. Complaining weakens the immune system and increases risk of heart disease, diabetes, obesity, and strokes.

3. Complaining can create helplessness and more anxiety. It
   negatively affects those around. 

4. Complaining prevents solutions. People focus on regrets and resentments from the past, fail to live in the present and are unable to plan for the future.

   Not good. Let me ask you: In the image below, how does the mouse get the cheese?

• by worry (what if the trap goes off)?

• by complaining (it’s not fair)?

• by pessimism (why bother)?

• by cynicism (the system is rigged)?

No! She gets the cheese by replacing passive, ineffective behaviors with active, effective strategies that result in cheese. It’s easier than you think.

First, why is complaining not a strategy? Complaining transfers power to out there, to something else, making individual change impossible. Complaining says: “I am not in control of my life. Everyone else is in control, it’s not fair, and I want to be rescued.”

All suffering is resistance; a refusal to accept the reality of the moment, the unwillingness to experience what is, the unwillingness to be present with, and that unwillingness comes from a story or old belief that things should not be the way they are.

Adapting to change …to life … to the future, means a radical acceptance of reality - of what is. Viktor Frankl was a holocaust survivor who suffered horrendous abuse from 1942-45, later to become a psychiatrist and author of Man’s Search for Meaning.  His wisdom:

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

Second, complaining does not move action forward, in fact, it reverses and stagnates the workplace.

Over the past several years, I have studied the effectiveness of several teams’ decisions to agree to change their team language. With everyone in agreement (the tricky part) they agreed to communicate in the active-optimistic (how can we) rather than the passive-pessimistic (we can’t, we don’t). It took less than 12-14 days to turn around the mindset of the team, to increase engagement and solve current problems.

How about your team?

THE DOPAMINE CURSE OF COMPLETABLE TASKS

It’s almost 5:00pm, near the end of your workday. There are three or four quick jobs you can do to get them out of the way. Doing so, there will be less to do tomorrow, and you’ll feel better knowing you ticked them off your to-do list.

You’re right, you’ll feel better, but not because you’ve been more productive. You’ll feel better because you chose the dopamine hit of completable tasks. You won’t feel better for long, however, because dopamine lives a really short half-life in your brain. You falsely believe all the while that “someday soon I will get it all done.”

You have yet to experience the power of the unfinished. The Ezra Klein January 7 2025 podcast interview with Oliver Burkeman, author of Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals and Meditations for Mortals dove into the deeper meaning and wisdom of the power of  the unfinished.

THE WESTERN HERO

The Western hero rhetoric is to push ourselves past comfort, to gut through the pain and in the process, become better people. When we push through, we believe we are living the epic hero story while cranking through endless hours of work.

Burkeman points out that work is never going to be done. He says that “the nature of the world that we live in is that there is more that could profitably be done with our time than we will ever be able to do. There is always something more that you could do.” You could fill any arbitrary number of hours in a day with work that feels like it needs doing in that day. There’s no limit.

THE DEAD ZONE

Studies in productivity suggest that most of us are productive for about 3-4 hours in a day. That means that the period beyond that could be referred to as The Dead Zone, where little, if anything useful, is being produced. Productivity goes down and stress and burnout go up.  

Our brains are able to focus for a limited time before fatigue sets in. - see my blogs on Decision Distress and Decision Paralysis. Following this limited time, the quality of our work and our decision making decline. The true skill to develop is the ability to let go, to relax in the face of the unfinished, and to resist the dopamine hit of small tasks.

Burkeman describes the discipline and spirituality of the Benedictine monks practice: Work Period-Bell Rings-Put Down Work-Go to Next Thing. The Zen Master Hōun Jiyu-Kennett’s approach to teaching was to make the student’s workload so heavy that he or she would be forced to put it down.

Several authors recommend we rethink the structure of our days for optimal productivity, that we stop feeling that ‘finished’ is unattainable, and stop believing that the number of hours worked are more important than higher-quality output and creativity.

SUGGESTIONS

1. Master the Art of the Unfinished. The Zeigarnik effect, or the tendency to remember unfinished tasks better than completed tasks, assures you that it will get done, and at a higher level when you’re refreshed.

2. Organize your day with the age-old advice to begin with A priorities. That way, you won’t feel a productivity deficit at the end of the day. This is a good resource to help you identify A-B-C priorities. A is urgent, e.g. projects with deadlines.B needs to be completed when possible, after A. C tasks are the least important and nice-to-do if there’s time.

3. Identify your peak energy periods and schedule your A list in that time.

4. Cut energy-draining meetings or schedule for low energy periods.

5. Schedule breaks. Every 20-minutes for a short stand up walk around deep breathe, and no longer than three hours before a minimum 15-30 minute break and switch of focus.

You’ll never get it all done.

An unfinished life is a great life!

A finished life is not life any more. :)

WHY CAN'T I DECIDE?

If you’re feeling stuck making decisions, you’re not alone, and there’s nothing wrong with you. Sometimes, problems making decisions can stem from deeper issues such as depression, anxiety, or obsessive-compulsive disorder. But most adults now report difficulty making even simple decisions.

Stress, uncertainty, and an overload of information have resulted in a high level of decision fatigue. About one-third of adults (32%) said they struggle with basic decisions. (APA Harris Poll, 2024) and about 61%  are rethinking how they are living their lives.

One recent survey reported that of over 14,000 leaders in 17 countries, 86% were less confident in making decisions, 85% suffered from decision distress, and 72% were paralyzed from making decisions at all.

The brain can tolerate just so much before it goes into a rest cycle. Brains avoid decisions when they can because decision-making takes a lot of energy. Willpower and decision-making ability go down fast with the number and complexity of decisions. After a time, you get less cautious, and your decisions get more impulsive. That’s why the impulse items are at grocery checkouts.

Much is written on the decision-making process, steps to good decisions, and making decisions at work, but very little on why and how to monitor decision overload and create conditions for the best decisions.

HELP YOUR BRAIN MAKE BETTER DECISIONS

1. Make important decisions earlier in the day before brain fatigue sets in.

2. Avoid making multiple decisions in a row. Decision-making takes so much brain energy, that after three or four decisions there just isn’t enough left for rational decisions. Think of the impulse items at checkouts. Auto salespeople who deliberately present you with yet another decision at the end of the decision-making process for auto purchase - it’s often for a high-end safety system that you probably font need. Don’t get caught.

3. Cut down on unimportant decisions. If you don’t have to decide - don’t! “What do you want for dinner?” “Surprise me!”  “What kind of pizza?” “You choose.” Don’t waste your Decision Quotient.

4. Give your brain a rest. If decision-making is getting fuzzy, resent your brain. Get into nature. Go for a run. Take a shower. Meditate. Stare at a blank wall.

5. Think about doing less. If your brain is telling you that you’re doing too much, you're doing too much. If your brain is overloaded with too many to-dos, it won’t have the energy left for good decisions.

Information overload is not going to let down, and decisions we are forced to make will become even more complex, not less. The brain’s capacity wasn’t set up for this level of complexity. Guard your decision-making energy and make good decisions.

WHY CAN’T WE MAKE DECISIONS AND GET STUFF DONE?

If your team gets stuck making decisions, you’re not alone! The 2025 WEF Global Risks Report and recent Oracle Survey tell us that the increase in our volume of work, superimposed on high instability, along with an overwhelming number of decisions we are forced to make daily, makes decision-making highly stressful.

Over 14,000 leaders in 17 countries found that 86% are less confident making decisions, 85% suffer from decision distress and 72% have been have paralyzed from making decisions at all.

Generative A.I. is currently making it worse. The sheer number of decisions has increased tenfold over the last three years (74%); 78% say they are bombarded with more data than ever, and 86% say the volume of data is making decisions complicated.

Decision-making takes a lot of brain energy. The brain can tolerate just so much before it goes into rest cycle. Willpower and decision-making ability go down fast with the number and complexity of decisions. After our capacity has peaked, more data only overwhelms. After time, we get less cautious and our decisions become more impulsive.

What does Decision Fatigue look like at work?

• Meetings are devoted to the ‘problem,’ but nothing gets done.

• More data is continually being requested.

• Important decisions about products, markets, and technologies are not being made.

• Projects relating to what needs to be done become unfunded or withdrawn.

• Several layers of approval are needed before a decision is approved.

FOUR ACTIONS THAT WILL HELP

1. MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION. Dan Burrus would ask: Are you working on the right problem? We get stuck when we’re focused on insoluble problems. Burrus advises to move on, especially if you’re in sunk-cost fallacy where you've put so much into it already, you hate to let it go.

2. MAKE THE DECISION AT THE RIGHT LEVEL.

LEVEL 1 decisions are easy. Hard trends are clear. You’re sure this future will happen. Make these decisions quickly, and LEVEL 2 AND LEVEL 3 become clearer.

LEVEL 2 are decisions where outcomes are uncertain. It’s hard to predict the outcome. Instead of freezing at LEVEL 2, plot out the three most probable future scenarios and gather information about them. The decision will become clearer and move to LEVEL 1.

LEVEL 3 An almost impossible decision, one unknowable. You can’t identify the variables. Don’t spend time now; save this decision to your future scenario brainstorming time.

3. STOP WORKING PAST CUT-OFF TIME.

Studies in productivity suggest that most of us are productive for about three to four hours a day. The period beyond that could be referred to as The Dead Zone, where little useful is being produced. Productivity goes down, and stress and burnout go up. 

Make decisions in the productive zone period; for most people, this is in early to mid-morning.

Move energy-draining meetings for low energy periods. Schedule breaks every 20-minutes for brains to reset. Walk around, deep breathe, move scenes. Try walking decision-making meetings.

Decide with optimal, not maximal, information. By the time you have all the information, the window has closed, and you’re late. Because of deferments, postponements, more gathering of information, teams stuck in paralysis miss the optimal decision point. There is no payoff in going beyond that time other than procrastinating, bolstering egos, and wasting time.

4. PLAN AHEAD.

At the beginning of a decision-making process:

a. Describe what the decision will look like when it’s optimal.

b. Define who the decision is for and what their needs are. When will it be good enough? Identify two trackers who can watch for this point.

c. Define how and when you’ll know the decision has been successful after it’s made.

f.  Plan the steps you’ll take to change the decision if it isn’t working.

Don’t let decision fatigue derail your group. Focus on the right problem, make decisions at the right level, optimize the process, and plan ahead. The amount of work isn’t going to decrease, and you’ll never get it all done. Maintain forward motion and make better decisions.

Why 2025 is the year to ...

GROW! Times of chaos and unpredictability are perfect times to strengthen resolve, hone talents, clear space, and go full speed ahead. Several sources point to a year of growth and creativity (see bottom)*.

Use this energy! What stops you? Let’s find out.

Choose one big thing you could do that would make a huge impact on your life.

Why are you not doing it?

• “I don’t have time.”

• “I have too much to do already.”

• “I don’t have the confidence.” 

• “I can’t afford it.”

• “I would never make it.”

• (add yours). 

Each of these responses is a cover for fear. This is not a year for fear, it’s a year for growth.

To switch out of fear, recognize you’re attaching to an old story and instruct yourself to detach and move through. Use the reasoning part of your brain to pull you out of emotional blocks.

Fear is a gift of energy. As soon as you take action into what you’re afraid of,  fear will turn into engagement. The same brain chemical creates both fear and excitement. If you hold back, you’re signaling your emotional system that fear is in order. If you take action, you are signaling to your brain that you need energy for action.

Get a jump on January 2025 emotional clearing by simplifying and de-cluttering your life. Download this 2025 CLEARING CHECKLIST

You’ve got this!

* 2025 is Jubilee Year in the Catholic Church;  a special time for forgiveness and reconciliation. The Year of the Wood Snake in the Chinese zodiac is a time of growth, creativity, and introspection. Project 2025 from Heritage Foundation will reshape federal agencies and policies. The G7 in Canada 2025 will increase cooperation in emerging technologies among G7 nations. 2025 is a square year (45 x 45 = 2025) which makes it mathematically unique. The Age of Aquarius is  transiting to a shift in consciousness, a time of innovation and hope. All sorts of signs.

12 NEW PERMISSIONS FOR 2025

“We know what to do; we wait for permission to do it.”

Over my years as a therapist, I sensed my clients intuition knew exactly what they needed. Once their intuition was verified, they were on their way. If your intuiton speaks, listen. No permission needed. Just in case ….

YOU HAVE PERMISSION …

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• to release everything that does not bring you joy. It doesn’t mean that you have to; but you have permission to. Everyone has the right to live in joy.

• to not do anything for anyone over the age of 18 that they should be doing for themselves. You weaken them and reinforce your own controlling behavior (although I know you mean well).

• to not be normal. ‘Normal’ was defined by Harvard male college sophomores in the 1950s during a series of experiments that set standards for human behavior.  You don’t fit those standards.

• to not buy anyone’s notion that it’s all in your head or not real. Instinct and intuition are real, trust them.

• to start admiring what you don’t like about yourself because it’s probably your greatest gift. Your procrastination is an exquisite sense of timing, your talkativeness is a gift of communication when you use it wisely, your shyness is a gift of observation and wisdom.

• to interpret what people label you as, to be your strength. Are you labeled as too sensitive? You are emotionally aware. Your label reveals your strength and the fact that it is annoying to others means that it is breaking through. People label what they’re afraid of.

• to believe that what you admire in others is already in you or you wouldn’t notice it (projection). If you don’t ‘own’ that quality that you see in others yet, watch for it every day; you’ll be amazed how it will grow.

• to feel guilty, because guilt means you are doing something right, something healthy for yourself. This is good. You’re living your truth, what’s right for you. You are breaking old norms from parents, church, school - some other institution that might not have your best interests at heart.

• to stop being ‘OK’ or ‘Fine’. Each time you say these, ask what you’re trying to cover up, what needs to be fixed, what self-nurturing needs to happen.

• to honor victories as victories. Overcoming fear is a big deal. It takes as much courage to overcome personal fears about speaking up or promoting yourself as it does to fly into space or climb Mt Everest. Fear is fear.

• to break old rules of “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” (people won’t always find your truth conveniently nice).  “Don’t brag and show off, people won’t like you.” (promoting yourself is simply letting your light shine).  “Wear clean underwear.” Well, maybe they had a point there.

• to relax. You’ve done enough. You are enough. Feeling you should have done more is an old story. Rewrite your story. Living in kindness and love is enough; I’ve got that on good word.

FAMILY GAME RULES FOR THE HOLIDAY SEASON

You feel anxiety each time family gatherings approach, but you can’t explain why. Consider this analogy:

It’s the first quarter: Chiefs vs Steelers. The umpire calls the kickoff out of bounds. Because everyone understands the game rules, they accept that the team is penalized five yards and has to re-kick.

What if the game rules weren’t agreed on before the start? What if each player had their own set of rules? What if there was an over-riding set of unexpressed rules that everyone just guessed at?

Your family might have a set of rules they follow, and you’re anxious about both keeping the rules and about breaking them. Some families seem to operate without rules, or ever-changing rules; and some families have a rigid set of rules.  When you’re with your family, you feel confused because something is impossible to understand (what Lidz terms mystified.)

You love your family and you want to be free to express yourself, but you might be invalidated if you break the rules. How can you approach your family with peace?

Healthy families have a set of rules that allow fair-play for all players. The five ground rules below might not fly with your family. Unless your family falls into the tough-to-crack category, it’s worth a try. It might go nowhere, but you’ve made the effort.

When you’re together, say something like: “I was reading the other day about agreements that families take when they get together. I’m not sure if we need these, but I wonder if I could read them and tell me what you think.”

FIVE FAMILY AGREEMENTS

AGREEMENT 1. We don’t talk about stuff we know is trouble  - e.g. politics.

AGREEMENT 2. We don’t put words or labels into each others’ heads, like telling them what’s wrong with them. For example, starting with “you” such as,  “You’re lazy.”

AGREEMENT 3. We agree not to storm off. We say something like: “It’s a bit much for me, I’m going to take a break and I’ll be back.”

AGREEMENT 4. We won’t use ‘negative non-verbals’ like deep sighs, slamming doors, silent stares, eye-rolls, or storming out. We will translate these into words best we can.

AGREEMENT 5. We all agree that we’ll do our best. If there is a violation, any one of us can call time out, and call for a re-do.

Judge the situation for yourself. This might not be a good time to nudge a change, or maybe it’s a great time. Either way, good for you that you showing the insight to recognize that things could be better, and having the courage to consider being part of the change.

Have a beautiful and peaceful holiday no matter what.

Six Ways to Prep for Family Drama this Season

This holiday season, as we face a world of uncertainty and potential chaos, anxieties can be high and defenses low around our families of origin. Although not all of us will experience high drama and chaos (The Bear Season 2, Episode 6), it is the hard-to define, low-grade tensions that are most challenging.

To carry you into the season, try these thoughts on for size:

1. Your challenges from others are your gifts. You wouldn’t be challenged if you weren’t meant to grow and learn. Face each annoying or hurtful interaction with the armor of “What am I supposed to learn here?"

2. Notice how you respond. Do you get quiet and withdraw? Do you attack back directly or indirectly? Do you pack up and leave? Are these old habits still serving you? Because you now have the power to take control of the current conditions of your life, changing how you interact with your family is a choice you make.

3. It’s never about you. No comment or attack or manipulation is about you. People act out of their own wounds. Not your wounds. Their wounds began long ago, but here you are in the firing line. It’s not your fault, and it’s not about you. If they differently, they would act differently.

See them as wounded and hurt people acting out of fear, rather than vicious monsters out to get you. If you can do this, you can begin acting from compassion and love, not fear and hurt.

4. But you are responsible too. The pain from family interactions derives from two sources: people invading territories and people letting them do it. Both parties are equally responsible for boundary violations. To understand boundary control, I like Don Miguel Ruiz’s analogy, also summarized at the bottom of this blog.*

5. Be prepared for wounds to erupt - not because people are mean, but because their anxiety is high too. Don’t get caught off-guard again. Be prepared with a healthier response - not because it will change the other person, but because it will change you.  Download this card for samples to carry with you.

6. Forgive. If you are hurt and take no action, resentment will build. Resentment wounds you, not them, and keeps you attached at a damaging level. I learned the loving and liberating approach to detachment from Caroline Myss years ago, from her book Soul Contracts: Consider that, before your birth, you made soul contracts with (parents, siblings) souls to be your teachers. They assumed these roles not for their growth and self-interest, but for yours. In many cases, these are older souls whose journey toward enlightenment has made them willing to suffer pain on your behalf. They are fulfilling their soul contract to you. Your contract agreement is to heal. Here is the concept in a short video:

“ Your greatest gift is your parents dysfunction. It presents you with an opportunity for healing … for you to be aware of it, to have compassion for it, and a greater understanding because of it, and to heal from it. That is the greatest gift they have given you."

Summary of Miguel Ruiz theater concept: You create, star in, and direct your own life film, in your own theater. You choose leading roles, supporting actors and extras. As director, you decide who is in your movie; you have the authority to invite or reject any actor. If you want to be the star of someone else’s movie, but you’re not right for their plot, you must get that it’s their movie, their plot and they are directing. It’s not about you. Don’t waste time being injured that you are not right for the part. Work on your own movie.

Six Quick Shifts for a Flexible Brain: Keep Ideas Flowing

Anxiety about the future is not a strategy. Preparation is. Opportunities strike when you least expect them, and ideas often hit when you’re doing other things. So, how can you cultivate a mind that’s ready to seize the moment? It starts with flexibility.

Here are six quick mental shifts you can make to strengthen your brain, spark creativity, and prepare for what’s next. These simple exercises take less than one minute each but can lead to big changes over time by building new neural pathways.

1. Say Yes When You Usually Say No

One of our most ingrained habits is saying "no." While saying no is important to protect boundaries, flipping the script occasionally can open doors to unexpected opportunities. For instance, say “yes” to a colleague’s new idea you’re tempted to dismiss. Agree to try an activity outside your comfort zone, like bungee jumping or a cooking class.

Research shows that saying yes to new experiences fosters neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to reorganize itself by forming new connections¹. By shaking up your typical response, you’re literally rewiring your brain to be more adaptable.

Action Tip:

Next time you’re inclined to say no, pause. Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen if I said yes instead?”

2. Stop Bad “Buts”

Bad “buts” are those little phrases that come right after a “yes”—like, “Yes, but that won’t work because…” These excuses limit your potential. Instead, try replacing “Yes, but” with “Yes, and.” This simple linguistic tweak can foster collaboration and innovation, both at work and in personal relationships.

For example, imagine brainstorming in a team meeting. Instead of shutting down a colleague’s idea with a “Yes, but…” response, say, “Yes, and what if we also tried this?” It keeps the conversation flowing and opens the door to creative solutions.

Action Tip:

Practice using “Yes, and” in your next conversation and note how the dynamic changes.

3. Replace Knowing With Curiosity

Experts often fall into the trap of relying on their knowledge rather than staying curious. But curiosity is essential for growth and innovation. When a familiar topic comes up, resist the urge to assert your expertise. Instead, ask questions like, “What do you think?” or “What’s your take on this?”

This approach not only builds better connections with others but also challenges your brain to see problems from fresh perspectives. A study published in Neuron highlights how curiosity enhances learning and memory².

Action Tip:

In your next meeting or conversation, ask at least one open-ended question instead of giving an answer.

4. Change One Habit

Habits create efficiency, but they can also trap us in rigid routines. Breaking just one habit—even temporarily—can stimulate creativity and build new neural pathways. For example, take a different route to work, switch up your morning routine, or order something new at your favorite restaurant.

These small changes force your brain to adapt, making it more flexible and open to novel ideas. Plus, breaking a routine can reduce stress by pulling you out of autopilot mode.

Action Tip:

Write down one habit you want to tweak and list two alternative behaviors you can try this week.

5. Change Your Physical Environment

Your surroundings have a profound impact on your mindset. Clutter, repetitive visuals, or dull environments can stifle creativity. Making even a minor change—like rearranging your desk or adding a plant to your workspace—can refresh your perspective and boost productivity.

According to research from the University of Exeter, employees who personalize their workspaces are 32% more productive than those who don't.³ This underscores the importance of tailoring your environment to support your mental flexibility.

Action Tip:

Pick one area of your home or workspace to refresh this week. Move furniture, reorganize your desk, or swap out old decor.

6. Switch Roles With Someone Else

Empathy and perspective-taking are powerful tools for expanding your mental horizons. Try stepping into someone else’s shoes—literally or figuratively. For example, think of an event you and a friend experienced together. Spend a minute describing it from their point of view, imagining how they felt and what they noticed.

This exercise not only deepens your understanding of others but also trains your brain to approach problems from multiple angles. Perspective-taking has been shown to improve emotional intelligence and reduce conflict in relationships.

Action Tip:

Ask a friend or partner to try this exercise with you. Share your experiences and reflect on what you learned from seeing the situation through their eyes.

Final Thoughts

Flexibility is a skill you can cultivate. By making these small, intentional shifts, you’ll train your brain to be more open, adaptable, and ready for the opportunities life throws your way. Start with one change today, and watch how it transforms your thinking.

For more tips on building a resilient mindset, check out this guide on developing emotional intelligence. And if you’re curious about how habits shape your brain, explore James Clear’s insights on atomic habits.

Ready to Make a Team Mind-Shift?

These six shifts aren’t just for individuals. They can transform entire teams. Imagine a workplace where everyone practices curiosity, embraces change, and collaborates with a “Yes, and” mindset. The potential for innovation is limitless.

Together, we can build a stronger, more agile workforce prepared for whatever comes next.

References:

1. Kolb, B., & Gibb, R. (2014). Brain plasticity and behavior. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 15(2), 81–92. DOI:10.1038/nrn3678

2. Gruber, M. J., Gelman, B. D., & Ranganath, C. (2014). States of curiosity modulate hippocampus-dependent learning via the dopaminergic circuit. Neuron, 84(2), 486-496. Retrieved from https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4254035/

3. University of Exeter. (2010, September 7). Office workers 'happier and 32% more productive' when allowed to personalize their workspace. ScienceDaily. Retrieved from https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/09/100907104035.htm

How to Build Team Flexibility

Can you agree with each of these seven statements about your workplace?

1. Nobody is stuck in the problem; we go right to the solution.

2. Optimism is fairly high around here.

3. Team members offer to help others if they're overloaded. 

4. Volunteers cover a team member's work while on leave.

5. People are allowed to work from home if requested.

6. We make decisions quickly and move on.

7. It's easy for us to spot what isn't working and drop it.

If you hesitate to answer yes to any of the above, and you sense that people are becoming isolated, your workplace is siloed or hierarchical, or you're looking for new ways to spur innovation, your team might need a Mind Shift.

First, check if your structure is flexible.  Much has been written about the structures that are needed; I've included a summary at the end of this article* for your reference.

Next, consider these five best practices that foster flexibility as a team.

1. Master Mistakes

Mastering mistakes doesn't mean making more and better mistakes; it means maximizing the learning from each one and moving on. One of the best ways to do that is to gather the errors you've made and come together for a weekly sharing of the mistake, the lesson, and the correction. 

Admitting where you've messed up creates a bond of humanity between you and others and prevents the rigidity of the need to be right. Transparency encourages accountability and increases trust.  

2. Spot Check Cognitive Bias

Seek out underperforming departments with a special attachment to a product or service. The Sunk Cost Fallacy is a tendency to continue with something already invested heavily in, despite evidence that it is not working; Blockbuster is a prime example.

Knowing that attachment is the enemy of innovation, on each November Day of the Dead, Google gathered all their plans, protocols, and proposals that didn't work or were outdated, dropped them in an old coffin, lit it on fire, and celebrated as went up in smoke.  

Stop short of a bonfire, but once a month, do update strategies, procedures, and timelines to assess what is no longer needed. Some teams conduct "Dumb Rules Contests" to unearth dated procedures that bloat the system. 

Spot check Confirmation Bias, which is when people search out only the information they already believe, discard information that doesn't fit, or change the information until it does. Most "Ain't broke, don't fix it, always done it that way" people who are closed to new ideas are suffering from Confirmation Bias.

In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, 

in the experts mind, there are few 

-Zen master Shunryu

3. Language Switch

Do you get stuck in the problem or move to the solution?

Teams that are stuck in a Passive-Helpless Mindset (the problem mindset) cannot possibly consider creativity or innovation. That is because optimism is the foundational base for both, and without optimistic, future-focused, and active language, the wheels of progress grind to a stop.  

Handy cards for your 30-Day Plan

Make a 30-day agreement with everyone on the team to change language from Passive-Helpless to Active-Action; here's how: Whenever a sentence begins with "We can't, we don't, they can't, they don't" (just to name the most common) agree on an immediate shift to "How can we, how can they" and so on. For example: "Corporate doesn't listen to us anyway." becomes "How can we get Corporate's attention?" Order a few packs for your team. After 30 days, if everyone is part of the game, you won't ever want to switch back.

4. Just say yes

In a meeting or conversation, when a new idea is brought up, instead of shutting it down right away, try saying "yes." Listen for what's next, and let yourselves be led around by the new idea and see what happens. Team members can suddenly be engaged with the magic of possibility. As Pferdt says in his book What's Next is Now: "yes is in the room."

When you use "Just Say Yes," each person adds a yes, and creates a whole new scenario of possibility.

5. Instead of pilot projects, do experiments.

The very nature of experiments denotes a curiosity and a willingness to accept or deny the outcome. The most flexible teams function in a state of Perpetual Experimentation -  just doing.  Experimentation is a way of thinking toward action, and not everything has to be in place before you start. You'll learn quickly enough as you move.

Incorporating flexibility into your team isn't just about changing processes—it's about shifting mindsets and fostering an environment where adaptability becomes second nature. By mastering mistakes, confronting biases, embracing active language, saying "yes" to new possibilities, and experimenting with curiosity, you can transform the way your team operates.

Start small, implement these practices, and watch as your team grows stronger, more dynamic, and better equipped to thrive in an ever-evolving world.

---

• Summary of structures for flexibility:

1. Clear and open communication channels: Increase a shared vision and speed decision-making. 

2. Clearly identified positions and duties: Well-defined roles that cut down ambiguity, avoid duplication, and increase responsibility.

3. Agile methods: Teams that use agile decision-making techniques can react quickly and see opportunities. Scrum and Kanban are examples of project management frameworks that are part of the Agile methodology.

4. Continual education: Create possibilities for members to learn new skills they'll need in the future.

5. Use of virtual collaboration tools and automation. Use technology such as virtual collaboration solutions, communication platforms, project management software, glitch-free video conferencing, and productivity tools such as Time Doctor For Performance Management, Asana For Task Management, Zapier For Workflow Automation, Airtable For Database Management, Google Docs For Document Creation, Dropbox Business For Cloud Storage, Slack For Real-Time Communication, Zoom For Video Conferencing, Evernote Business For Note-taking, Scoro For Business Management.

6. Team Projects. Cooperation fosters creativity, increases cross-functional energy, and boosts idea generation.

Why Can’t they See? How to ask Break-through Questions

They can’t see it because shame and ostracism are greater than the fear of death.

The fear of shame, ‘looking bad in front of others’ and being rejected from the group is the strongest fear we have. We value being ‘good’ members of our ‘good' groups more than we value being right, as long as our group is in line with what we perceive as ‘good.’

We will choose to be wrong if it keeps us as ‘good’ members of our group. If our group engages in behavior that does not line up with what part of ourselves we believe is good, we reject the interpretation of behavior as ‘bad’ in order to remain a part of our group.

In the recent US national election, both parties cried: “can’t they see?” The correct response response is, “no.” Because both parties had an intact belief system, that anything discordant with the belief that I am a good member of a good group is ipso facto, rejected.

But … it is possible for humans to  update and re-evaluate; it’s one of our greatest strengths. Beliefs are not cast in stone. There is a method of discourse that increases understanding.

Beliefs form associative neuronal networks that signal either ‘certainty’ or 'lack of certainty.’ Certainty is an emotional complex. Thus, to influence oneself or others, tap into this emotional complex.

Instead of attempting to convince others, lead the other person to understand their own thinking about your narrative. Focus on the other person’s motivations more than their beliefs. Get others to believe that the change you’re promoting ties in with their identities and motivations.

All influence is self-influence; people will change based on what they want and need, what they convince themselves that they believe.

Two methods of inquiry that to encourage self-examination:

1. SOCRATIC DIALOG uses a series of questions to reach consensus. The original 'Socratic dialogue' began with Socrates stating that he knew nothing about a topic and asked questions of the others. Leaders can use the Socratic Method when they ask others to identify problems themselves, and to reach by their own conclusions. Psychologists use socratic dialog to help their clients evaluate the accuracy of their thoughts and beliefs. 

The Four Stages of Socratic Dialogue are questioning, listening, interacting, and synthesizing.

Here are some examples:

1. Questioning

Ask: “Is confusion a sign of weakness?”

Ask: “Is it true you can’t teach an old dog new tricks?”

Ask: “So garbage cans hide enemies? Tell me more about that.”

2. Listening to responses empathically and reflectively.

“So you’re saying that …” “What I hear is that …"

3. Interaction

Ask: “I wonder what would happen if you didn’t think the garbage cans are hiding enemies?”

Guide the conversation with a series of “what ifs” and “then whats” so that the client can hear their own reasoning and begin to question it.

4. Synthesizing

Say: “So what I’ve been hearing you say is that part of you believes that confusion is a weakness and part of you seems to think that it might be a form of curiosity, openness, growth. The times that you felt confused you might have believed it to be a weakness.”

But I wonder if the part of you that sees it can be a strength can talk to the other part of you and make a deal. The next time you feel confused, what if you experiment and think to yourself: “I’m going through something new here, confusion is normal, it means I’m growing and that’s a strength.” “How would that be?”

2. DIALECTICAL REASONING. Dialectical reasoning is an interaction that involves contrasting opposing points of view to reach a conclusion. It's similar to logic or both-and reasoning; the socratic dialogues are a form of 'dialectical' reasoning.

The process of dialectical reasoning:

1. State a belief.

2. Developing an opposing belief.

3. Combine the two.

The outcome can be a synthesis of the opposing ideas, a refutation of one of the beliefs, or just a crack in the armor of a belief system, allowing further questioning in the future.

Dialectical reasoning helps you be more flexible in your own thinking, release negative emotions and irrational beliefs, and at the same time supports your current state while you are undergoing or thinking of change.

“I feel guilty for doing that AND I know it is the right decision.”

“I feel anxious AND I'm doing it anyway.”

“I can be fully accepting of myself AND want to change.”

“I am doing the very best I can AND I can improve.”

“I am a Republican AND I can vote for a Democrat.”

I found this example sheet helpful from https://mindremakeproject.org - click this link to download. Hold both simultaneously and you have the support you need as well as a path forward.

People can change. All humans can re-evaluate. I hope these methods soften the boundaries of rigid belief systems and help us all to come to a common understanding.